Top 10 Signs you suffered food poisoning at a Chinese Restaurant

10. You are panting for breath in the ICU but going “Hoo Naan, Hoo Naan”

09. You remember being Client #9 (oops, table #9) but are wondering how you became victim #1.

08. While in the ICU you recall seeing your grandma who died 25 years back pacing up and down your ancestral home but instead of the customary chant of “Rama, Rama” you hear her saying “Mapo Tofu”.

07. You are bewildered to read a front page report in the NY Times where the Bush Govt. accuses the Al-Qaida for food poisoning cases in the Chinese restaurants in the US.

06. Your 55-year old sweet Filipino nurse in the hospital keeps telling you “Sir, your Mapo Tofu breakfast is ready. You can have Mongolian chicken for lunch!”

05. The dreaded 3 am phone call comes not to the white house but to your house and your spouse has to answer, there is no right or wrong answer and Dr. at the other end simply says “We are not sure we can!”.

04. You see these strange visions of John McCain dancing around a fire with Ronald Reagan gesturing to you and saying “My friend, come join the Reagan Revolution we can kick some Chinese ass but you ain’t getting universal healthcare”

03. You are watching the Obama girl but she is singing in Chinese!

02. You see Shahrukh Khan dancing around on a cricket pitch filled with rupee notes and signs for the IPL but strangely enough he suddenly stops and says in his characteristic style, “Chi–Chi-Chi-neeeese food ka-ka-kaaa jawaab nahin!”

01. You are convinced that Tom Friedman’s flat world actually means you could go to any part of the world eat Chinese food and find yourself flat on your back in the Emergency Room (ER) fighting for your life.

Author: Pran Kurup

Pran Kurup is founder and CEO of Vitalect, Inc.

%d bloggers like this: