What Bush and Gore Really Said to Each Other

Al Gore stopped by the White House recently for a photo-op with President Bush along with other Nobel Laureates. As part of this visit, the President had a private meeting with Al Gore. This would have been an ideal opportunity for late night political humor. Unfortunately the writers were on strike, and the world was deprived of some humor. Here is a small attempt at filling that huge void, with another fictitious conversation, this time between Al Gore and President Bush.

Gore: I simply can’t hold back any longer….You dork! I hate you!!

Bush: Ok…like you are some genius, you ozone man! Welcome back, anyway. Btw, call me Mr. President… eh, if you don’t mind.

Gore: Mr. President, you not only screwed up the US, you messed up Iraq and the rest of the world as well. Even the earth can’t stand you, its heatin’ up!

Bush. Yeah, yeah, like you are so smart! Yeah right, the earth is heatin’ up.

Gore: I might not be smart (oh, actually I take that back!)…. But good Lord! You are the pits!

Bush: Ok, Ok, Al. Let off some steam. You earned the right to.

Gore: Steam, my a…! I wish you would just fall off that chair!

Bush: Yup, you right. Its your ass, its huge! What’s up with that? Btw, you better not fall off and break my chair, you fat ass! Remember, I am still the “Decider”

Gore: Decider! Baloney! Lemme tel’ ya’…I just feel like punchin’ your face!

Bush: Al, unlike you I am fit. I can move faster than you can move your index finger…Ooh, did I just say index finger. To be honest, I don’t even know which one it is! Sounded pretty cool though, isn’t it? In any case, I really think you ought to hit the treadmill, Al. Gee! I can’t believe how much weight you have put on in six years. And we thought Clinton ate all the burgers!

Gore: Don’t get me started on Bill…..Just see what you have done to the world in six years! I got the Emmy, Sh…! I even got an Oscar. I mean, c’mon!!!

Bush: Oh, cool! Congrats, that’s terrific. You are doing a terrific job Brownie! Sorry, that was not a line meant for you.

Gore: I even got the f… Nobel peace prize.

Bush: Nobel, eh…what’s that? Oh yeah, that’s what you are here for, right? I almost forgot.

Gore: Heck, I even have tons of Google and Apple stock!

Bush: God, that stinks. Real bad. But I am sure you’ll vote Republican this time. You want those tax breaks dont’ya fat boy!! And you want them permanent, right?

Gore: Gosh, I still can’t believe you got my job.

: Sorry Al, I really gotta go now. Those guys from the Middle East are killin’ each other. I need to go help Condi hold ‘m back or Cheney will show up with his shotgun and then I’ll have to deal with World War III.

Gore: Gosh, not once, but twice you became President! God, I can’t believe this is for real!

Bush: Tough luck Al. I hear ya. I know this is inconvenient, but it is still the truth. I feel your pain (oops….I wasn’t supposed to say that). What can I say, “some people still want to drink a beer with me” — Face it, I got your job, nah-nah-nah-nah.

Gore: I have had it. See ya later, you freakin’ cowboy!

Bush: Ok, Al…. Seriously. I have a tough assignment for you. But I am sure you can do it. You deliver and then we are even. Ok, you ready?

Find Obama for me, sorry I meant Osama! (Crap! Its that guy Romney’s fault for messing me up with these names.)

Gore: Get outta here!

Author: Pran Kurup

Pran Kurup is founder and CEO of Vitalect, Inc.

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